tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6915340318485216010.post1998913995157717222..comments2022-04-02T02:56:22.804-05:00Comments on Lucy's Little Legacy: I'll come runnin', to see you again- James TaylorAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09429450802313807920noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6915340318485216010.post-16411532543541313222013-07-26T15:17:50.438-05:002013-07-26T15:17:50.438-05:00Lucy's Mom, (aka Renee),
I've gotten that ...Lucy's Mom, (aka Renee),<br />I've gotten that same letter on the brief life of my beautiful Tessa Grace (born still at 26 weeks) and it's one of those searing, life-changing pieces of mail one rarely wants but sometimes in life receives.<br /><br />Your pain and eloquence is gripping here, and I hope you write through your pain and I hope it helps. (Also CUPCAKES!!!) Did you have Lucy at Shawnee Mission? If so (and I think even if not), they have a FANTASTIC perinatal bereavement program. In the days, weeks and months after Tessa's birth/death I ran to them and they comforted me greatly. I wish I could remember our counselor's name, but she was kind and patient and let me cry until I didn't have any tears left (for that day, anyway). She put the book "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby" by Deborah L. Davis (revised edition) in my life and it was a book that aided greatly in my healing.<br /><br />I know all this is unasked for advice from a relative stranger, and I apologize upfront if I'm overstepping my bounds. I just want you to know that this sad awful Mom of a Stillborn Baby Club neither one of us asked to be in can be very lonely from my experience. So if you WANT to talk, I'm all ears (or fingers via text and/or email). I can DM you my cell and email on Twitter if you are so inclined. I'm WorldPeaceNPony there.<br /><br />Some other little things that helped me... say her name, write her name, write it on shower doors in steam, stick up and be the standard bearer for her memory. Because when a little loving light is stolen from you too soon, often their name dies too (at least among mostly well-intended family family and friends). Saying her name and keeping the memory of her brief life alive helped to me. It make me, as her mom, know that she wouldn't be forgotten, that she mattered, that she was loved... if only by me and my husband. (My friends also chipped in and got a tree planted (for free by Shawnee Parks & Rec) at Listowel Park at 71st and Quivira in her honor and that physical reminder of her brief life as a great place to CELEBRATE her, not mourn her. (In the early years, we released balloons there in her honor.)<br /><br />Stillbirths are a difficult thing for most people to understand and discuss, and I clung to the rare few who GOT IT. (My family for the most part, didn't. Friends were great at the beginning but even then, only the rare few remember her birthday all these 9 years later).<br /><br />I wish you peace. I wish you healing. I will say Namaste in your direction (wherever that is). Little Lucy is loved, even by strangers. I hope you believe that in your core. And so are you. Be kind to you. You don't have to fake a thing. Being real and sitting in your emotions and throwing your self Pity Parties is totally a-OK. In fact, it's a great gift to give yourself. :)<br /><br />Namaste, Lucy's Mom (and Dad).<br /><br />Love always from Tessa's Mom (Amy Baker Trollinger)Amy Bakerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05810477969357750327noreply@blogger.com