Sunday, September 8, 2013

Time against us, miles between us - Adele

I'll be waiting...

I've been waiting!

Almost 9 weeks, I have been going to bed every night asking God and the Universe to let me see your face in my dreams. I have been asking the angels to let you visit me in my sleep, hoping that I can catch a glimpse of you with your Grandma. I have been waiting.

I looked at your picture a couple nights ago. I sat there on the couch with your Daddy. We looked at you, and we reached out to the screen that had your image. We touched your toes and of course your nose.

THAT nose!

We looked at that beautiful image of you from head to toe, sucking your thumb, laying on my chest. What a moment!

I don't remember one second of feeling fear in that moment, I was calm with you there on my chest. Right there with me. It was like the future didn't matter; I had you at that moment. My sweet baby Lucy. There you were, with me.

Now, just an image.

 A Reality, I had to let go. Although I would of kept you there forever if they let me.

So where does this leave me? Begging to see your face again.

Sometimes, when I take a shower... your labor flashes in my mind. I try to stop it, but it floods over me. Sometimes... the moment they took you from my arms washes over me, and I am reminded of the how bad that hurt. A feeling I have felt before, although this time; the pain was more than I could bear.

I try to remind myself that you were not suppose to be about pain. Your purpose in my life was NOT suppose to be about PAIN! As, each day gets a little less painful, I give thanks everyday for having you in my life. I love being your Mom. Such an honor.

I spend each day deciding how I can memorialize you and in what ways can I make this life better, to keep your legacy of love going. You make me want to be better; with 22 weeks of life inside me, and one hour to let me love you. You, of all the people in my life, make me want to be better.

I've learned through you that things aren't so BIG anymore. Things don't hurt me like they used to, I live each day like I want and not what is wanted or expected of me, and I smile because I have Lucy's love.

Time was against us Lucy, and there are miles between us. But you have my heart... I will be waiting, waiting to see you again. (In my dreams...until we meet again).

Hold me closer one more time
Say that you love me in your last goodbye-Adele

Read more: Adele - I'll Be Waiting Lyrics | MetroLyrics

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