I have been waiting several days on the exact words to feel profound all week. I really wanted to speak on the last few weeks I have experienced in the life of Ne. I knew that I wanted to give a voice to some pinnacles and although when I think that I have reached another goal and ended there, I created a new dream through these experiences. This is just the alpha...
As I have been waiting several days to find those words, this quote rolls across my timeline and "boom! goes the dynamite."
I talk to myself much of the day when my kids are school and my nephew sleeps the morning away. This quote hit me like and elephant on my chest. "Renee, each time you choose this path (your soul) people really dig that shit." Not only do people dig it... it makes a difference.
Really since I can remember thinking about my life all I have ever really wanted to do was to make a difference in lives. I wanted to pollute the masses with hippy love shit and facilitate a place where people could find their own personal utopia. I wanted to selfishly be the reason why people dig my shit! Through these lessons I felt like I could provide what really was for my own personal pleasure and I needed you to hear it!
I recently, (selfishly) submitted some words to a production in Kansas City and throughout the nation called "Listen to Your Mother." The call for submissions ran quickly past my timeline and I immediately dove into my story. I almost submitted a story that I thought was important, yet I felt was not the selfish impact I felt that it needed to provide for Lucy.
Which is so weird, because here I am thinking only of my self and my daughter to submit something to help keep her alive, yet I didn't know I would be blindsided and brought to a reality that I was oblivious to until this point.
I switched my story, and briefly edited it. Because, if you read me, you know editing is not my thing. Submitted it. Picked. Audition. Picked. I did it! I.... I DID IT! I ...I...I
Ego Check! Checked at the door. Things were about to drastically change. This self-serving experience that I had created in my head was about to take a u-turn. Not only was the experience about to change
I missed the first interaction with the other 15 women that belonged in this same club I had been initiated too. So, by the time that I entered the group, the inside jokes were already formed and introductions already produced. I...I...I was now the outsider and unsure how I fit into this dynamic.
I knew that my story was really the first thing that these other women would know of me and guess what, I picked the number 2. I had to read second. So nothing like being thrown into the trenches of the mother of all wars. Here we were, sharing a table, a space, a time... and our stories.
One by one, 14 women read their souls. Dropping their hearts out of their chest in a room full of virtual strangers. Sharing a perspective of the life that they have journey'd thus far. Immediate moment where trust was completely enveloping us as we take in each others, triumphs, struggles, and losses.
That day changed me and my perspective on my self-serving place hold that I brought with me. I sat in my car after this interaction for about 15 minutes alone. Taking in all that I had witnessed. It was in this moment that I reveled in every story and realized this was bigger than Me...Me...Me. This life is bigger than me. This is life is bigger than Lucy. But, THIS LIFE was not the same without these two altogether, it was a piece of this world we have created in that room on that day. It was an "Us" world. It was a world that I belong to and although my experiences have no similarities to those other 15 women, I now stood up in their story as if it was mine and supported the message. I now carry those stories as a part of my life that will forever be changed.
May 3rd came and went. 16 women hit a stage of a venue filled with love. We spoke freely in this "Us" world. We took that next step in this journey of togetherness and took our story to a small mass. Creating more newcomers to our "tribe." We read. We cried. We conquered. and... WE WE WE created an "Us" world. We changed perspectives. We gave life. We gave smiles. We gave love. WE GAVE OURSELVES.
Again, to strangers, WE gave our soul and other people DUG that shit!
That moment left me without words that I have been working out in my head. That moment is gone, but my new perspective is very much alive. I'm figuring out how to keep Lucy alive and my message is no longer only for me (and her). I take her story with me to continue to create more "us" and less "me".
Thank you to my new "tribe" for sharing a little of your world, to create a new version in the step of Utopia. Thank you for doing things from your soul.
To learn more about #LTYM (Listen To Your Mother) : Kansas City Listen To Your Mother
Also, The feature to a follow up about Lucy and my experience since #LTYM : Baby Lucy, A Year Later