Tuesday, July 30, 2013

It's Important to me. To know you are free -Todd Rundgren

Hello, it's Me.

It's Renee Lawrence. For the past two weeks, since my life has changed so drastically, it has me wondering...

Can the "real" Renee Lawrence please stand up? Who is this person? This soul, that I have been carrying around in this body.

Who am I?

I am Gwynivere's MOM! I am the person that laughs at her antics, that runs her to tae kwon do, that gives her advice, and writes her teachers a letters each year about how special she is. I make sure her toaster pastry gets 15 seconds in the microwave and know she hates donuts with the filling.  I am highly protective of her fragile ego, I worry about her almost EVERY second of the day, and I encourage her to be who she is. I have been her mom for nearly 9 years, and she is blossoming into the most beautiful soul. I am celebrating how grateful I am to have her in my life! She protects my feelings, and we are innately connected on every level. She is her mother, and I am my daughter. WE  are soul mates. I AM Gwynivere's Mom.
Who am I?

I am Keegan's MOM! I am the person that gives him his morning snuggles and know if I miss them, his day isn't right. I am the person who listens to him talk for half and hour straight about whatever it is he is extremely focused on. I took a job teaching to make sure he got pre-kindergarten, and I make excuses for all his misbehaviors. This kids could do no wrong, and is a sensitive soul. He came into this world the sweetest boy, he even spared me much pain in labor. I've learned about super heroes for him, and I know more about Ben 10, than I should. He's currently resting his head on my arm and insisting on a kiss. He says the most amazing things, and wakes me out of bed each morning. I AM Keegan's MOM!

Who Am I?

I am Jeremy's WIFE. Now married for almost a year. We eloped with 10 of our favorite people by our side. We both have a our past lives, which we have joyously released to come together and create something people dream about. He is truly my happy place, I will always take his side but am able to tell him secretly when he is wrong. However, I am highly protective of those who ever try to take advantage of his kindness. I know that he doesn't put ice in his drinks, and I know how to make his coffee just right. He eats every meal I make, exclaiming they are always the best. I talk him through every obstacle we meet, including the sadness he feels for the children he misses each day. Together we have grew into people that we are proud of, even though coming from a place where we made many mistakes. We have same side dined, I've gotten him to ride a roller coaster, I watch him skateboard with joy in my heart, and let him know each day how proud I am to be his. I've never felt that before. I AM Jeremy's WIFE!
I am (Tearfully) Lucy's Mom. I am proud to be. To all the greatest things I've done above, she is the newest identity of what makes up me. Bringing her in this world was so important to me. Not only for me! For Gwynivere, Keegan, and for JEREMY! She not only was a fighter spirit in the womb, she is the one soul that has impacted my life the most. I am her Mom because I could love her instantly. I am her Mom because I knew she loved my kisses where her nose meets her forehead. I am her Mom because, somehow her tiny soul knew that I could give her an entire life of happiness, and take care of her every need in a little over one hour. I am her Mom because, I can keep her alive in spirit, even when I couldn't keep her alive in physical. I am Lucy's Mom. I AM LUCY'S MOM.
When I am having trouble peeling myself out of the bed every day to face the world without Lucy, these are just some reminders of why I NEED to get out of bed each day. Each day they need me to be the person I am for them. But the secret is, each day, I NEED to be the person THEY NEED me to be.
I am Renee Lawrence, Mother, Wife, Author, Teacher, Baker, Wise Gal, Friend, Sister, Aunt, Daughter, Counselor, Ex-Wife, Lover, Student,......The list goes on.  And as I keep inventing myself, You can bet, I will forever be grateful to be Renee Lawrence.
Hello, it's me
I've thought about us for a long, long time
Maybe I think too much but something's wrong
There's something here that doesn't last too long
Maybe I shouldn't think of you as mine.

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